Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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