if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
