my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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