I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
