i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
