Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
