Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.