fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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