I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
