and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
