Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
