don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
worst night to have a conscience
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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