Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
