we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
