What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize