There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
