I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
