For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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