everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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