Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
