I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
