So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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