carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
