Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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