I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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