I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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