census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize