her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
