Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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