Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
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We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
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My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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