hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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