Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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