I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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