come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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