My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
