but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
ttyl tear gas
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
