Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
