I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
