The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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