I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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