Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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