i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
