yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
