Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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