I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
