69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
