if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
