just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
