he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
