I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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