The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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