it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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