Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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