is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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