Will you blow on my dice?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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