I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
