Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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