youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
