70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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