the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.