booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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