Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.