Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(804): View more from Virginia

You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.

(1-804): View more from Virginia

If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.

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(804): You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic. (1-804): If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator. http://tfl.nu/r2b2

Replies (5) Good night (1153) Bad night (555)
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(239): View more from Florida

I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...

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(239): I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby... http://tfl.nu/v25y

Replies (12) Good night (795) Bad night (2818)
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(404): View more from Georgia

Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.

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(404): Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket. http://tfl.nu/i4q7

Replies (15) Good night (4513) Bad night (938)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.

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(413): i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool. http://tfl.nu/ncnm

Replies (17) Good night (976) Bad night (4140)
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(509): View more from Washington

I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM

(909): View more from California

I'm scared to ask why.....

(509): View more from Washington

1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.

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(509): I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM (909): I'm scared to ask why..... (509): 1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare. http://tfl.nu/ztpp

Replies (13) Good night (4926) Bad night (1016)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.

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(203): our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation. http://tfl.nu/5n6h

Replies (3) Good night (2518) Bad night (1681)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla

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(201): dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla http://tfl.nu/0yq4

Replies (13) Good night (4522) Bad night (1401)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home

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(484): hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home http://tfl.nu/2xw9

Replies (8) Good night (3879) Bad night (1141)
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(904): View more from Florida

Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again

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(904): Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again http://tfl.nu/3izm

Replies (7) Good night (2813) Bad night (1011)
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(775): View more from Nevada

I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH

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(775): I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH http://tfl.nu/ef88

Replies (9) Good night (2207) Bad night (716)
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(254): View more from Texas

Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.

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(254): Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn. http://tfl.nu/xdjy

Replies (8) Good night (945) Bad night (1253)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again

(1-919): View more from North Carolina

It's not too late to disappoint her you know...

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(919): I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again (1-919): It's not too late to disappoint her you know... http://tfl.nu/57hn

Replies (3) Good night (950) Bad night (341)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.

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(701): Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5. http://tfl.nu/g6zt

Replies (4) Good night (368) Bad night (1089)
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(254): View more from Texas

The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?

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(254): The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left? http://tfl.nu/ml3m

Replies (6) Good night (560) Bad night (385)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that

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(201): Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that http://tfl.nu/r5qw

Replies (1) Good night (525) Bad night (316)

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