If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.