Texts From Last Night

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  (905): View more from Toronto

  I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it

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  (905): I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it http://tfl.nu/jng0
  Replies (32) Good night (4479) Bad night (2039)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.

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  (204): Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding. http://tfl.nu/e8lb
  Replies (19) Good night (1159) Bad night (6000)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt

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  (617): He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt http://tfl.nu/0t60
  Replies (45) Good night (4842) Bad night (1645)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  either way he was missing a nipple.

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  (203): either way he was missing a nipple. http://tfl.nu/17oh
  Replies (18) Good night (921) Bad night (6073)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster

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  (905): the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster http://tfl.nu/r7o9
  Replies (3) Good night (818) Bad night (3846)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.

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  (240): I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you. http://tfl.nu/xn7n
  Replies (41) Good night (11630) Bad night (1556)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.

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  (704): Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people. http://tfl.nu/g4iv
  Replies (6) Good night (3758) Bad night (915)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"

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  (814): All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories" http://tfl.nu/dbqw
  Replies (6) Good night (2848) Bad night (1166)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.

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  (814): I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer. http://tfl.nu/ef74
  Replies (3) Good night (1573) Bad night (906)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.

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  (765): I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in. http://tfl.nu/2iri
  Replies (9) Good night (2526) Bad night (847)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.

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  (727): Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules. http://tfl.nu/9nm8
  Replies (4) Good night (1200) Bad night (1354)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.

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  (917): It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left. http://tfl.nu/g605
  Replies (5) Good night (933) Bad night (947)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I don't wanna be gay for a night.

  (850): View more from Florida

  I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.

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  (208): I don't wanna be gay for a night. (850): I think it would be worth it for free alcohol. http://tfl.nu/uvi0
  Replies (2) Good night (1032) Bad night (776)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....

  (1+44): View more from

  The baked potato bra?

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  (+44): I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered.... (1+44): The baked potato bra? http://tfl.nu/bc4d
  Replies (4) Good night (678) Bad night (903)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians

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  (724): We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians http://tfl.nu/50hn
  Replies (9) Good night (761) Bad night (451)

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