Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
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he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.