Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.