Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.