hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
