If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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